Sometimes the holidays, can be the hardest time of the year. It's a time to see family and spend time with loved ones. Sometimes, the things (particularly the comments) associated with seeing loved ones can bring up harmful comments.
This holiday season my family continued to comment on my weight. "Faith, you look good! Have you lost weight?" or "I see you loosing that weight." Seemingly a positive comments (some of which I would have loved to hear in the past); however, I have come such a far way that my weight is no longer a number I monitor. Instead, I choose to focus on my health.
Our culture’s obsession with body image is no secret. Social media, movies, and TV shows are known for their unrealistic portrayals of what the “perfect” body should look like, with the secondary implication being that what we have isn’t good enough.
The reality is, there is no “ideal” body. Beauty standards change wildly from one era to the next. Still, 65 percent of students in a recent Student Health 101 poll admitted they worry about how others perceive their body and have wanted to change it for purely aesthetic reasons.
The “perfect” body type we’re accustomed to today is based on decades of airbrushed images and celebrities who have full-time trainers and nutritionists. Embracing body diversity isn’t just about celebrating what makes us unique—it’s a powerful step in fighting the rising mental health and obesity crises.
Weight stigma and its effects
The weight-loss market is a $72 billion industry that is fueled by the stigmatization of weight in our culture.
“Weight stigma refers to negative attitudes toward a person based on body size,” says Judith Matz, a therapist and speaker specializing in body image and author of The Diet Survivor’s Handbook. It’s fed by the media, your peers, and even doctors (who aren’t immune to weight discrimination). “No matter the intention, weight stigma and fat shaming typically leave you feeling shame about your body and give you a sense that there’s something inherently wrong with you,” Matz says. “You may also experience discrimination in situations such as when you apply for a job or when the chairs in a classroom don’t accommodate your body.”
“Bullying is never OK and happens toward all sorts of marginalized groups: people of color, LGBTQIA individuals, people with disabilities, and people at higher weights,” says Matz. “If you’ve internalized weight stigma, then it’s harder to fight back against bullies because it confirms what you believe about yourself. That’s why it’s important to learn more about body positivity, work toward ways to set boundaries, and find support for yourself.”
Focus on health
“Health is much broader than a number on the scale,” says Matz. A better way to operate starts with focusing less on how you look and more on how you feel.
Move more because it feels good to be active
Finding ways to be active that you actually enjoy is much more sustainable than forcing yourself into a gym routine that you loathe. Research shows physical activity boosts your self-esteem—no matter your weight—and even increases the likelihood that you’ll want to eat healthier. Plus, being active has many benefits beyond the scale, especially for your brain. In the short term, a session of moderate to vigorous physical activity (like going for a short jog or dancing it out in your dorm room) can reduce anxiety. Over time, it’s been proven to keep your mind sharp as you age, reduce your risk of depression, and even help you sleep better.
Eat nutritious foods for fuel and enjoyment rather than dieting
Dieting usually backfires. “When you go on a diet to lose weight, you’ll experience deprivation because you’ll be giving up foods that you enjoy,” says Matz. “People get caught in the diet/binge cycle, which can last for years, or even decades. And unfortunately, yo-yo dieting increases risks for health issues.” Intuitive eating, the practice of eating mindfully and choosing food based on your body’s hunger cues, is a much healthier way to approach your food. It’s also associated with lower body weight and better mental health, according to a review of research published in 2014.
How to practice body positivity
“Despite the stigma that exists in our culture, it’s important to remember that all bodies deserve to be treated with respect,” says Matz. Here’s how to put a healthy mentality about weight into practice.
1. Pay attention to the way you talk to yourself.
“Make a quick list of what you’ve said to yourself about your body in the past 24 hours,” says Matz. Is it full of negative, self-deprecating comments? “If you become aware of negative self-talk, ask yourself where these thoughts come from. Would you talk that way to someone you care about? What would you say to a good friend who talked this way?” says Matz.
2. Practice reframing negative thoughts.
Everyone has thoughts like this—why wouldn’t we after being inundated with messages about what our bodies should or shouldn’t look like? Reframing them takes time and conscious effort. “The thoughts become automatic, so it takes conscious awareness to notice them, stop them, and begin to replace them with messages that show acceptance, appreciation, or respect.”
Instead of thinking, “My thighs are so fat,” think, “These are the legs that powered me through a 5k last month.” Instead of saying, “My arms are so small,” think, “These are the arms that helped carry boxes up four flights of stairs to my buddy’s new apartment.”
3. Remember it’s a process.
“As you cultivate body positivity, keep in mind that doesn’t mean loving your body 24/7— that’s impossible,” says Matz. Be patient with yourself and don’t beat yourself up for having a bad day.
4. Surround yourself with positive images.
“Getting rid of social media feeds that encourage weight loss and replacing them with body positive ones can help you on this journey,” says Matz. If an account makes you want to criticize yourself, unfollow.
5. Stop commenting on other people’s weight.
Even when you mean it as a compliment, comments about weight are usually harmful. “While these comments may feel good to someone when they’ve lost weight, chances are the weight will come back. When that happens and people are silent, the person feels a lot of shame,” says Matz. No matter a person’s size, comments about weight can be triggering, so “look for ways to compliment your friends that aren’t based on body size: a new scarf, their sense of humor, their kind actions.”
6. Stop talking about diets.
“Diet conversations are a way people often connect, but they also reinforce weight stigma and diet culture. Instead, shift the conversation to other experiences, interests, challenges, and dreams,” says Matz. “We all have the choice to participate in diet culture—or reject it. You can be a pebble that creates the ripple to help shift diet culture and change the world.”
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